The Grim in Our Political Fairy Tales
“Slow down you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy…”
Politics makes a fool of us all.
Who would have thought a few months ago that, with unemployment looming, Theresa May would be auditioning for the part of The Wicked Queen in Snow White and the Seven cabinet Dwarves (only seven?).
And Donald Trump would be booked to play Baron Hardup at the Washington Hippodrome.
It is less surprising to see Chris Grayling playing Simple Simon after failing to pass the audition for the back of the cow in Jack and the Beanstalk.
I for one am longing for the day when someone shouts out ‘it’s behind you’ each time Brexit appears. And I will still fear Boris Twankey (the “T” being silent) shouting out ‘oh no it isn’t’.
My personal highlight of the panto season is seeing Jean-Claude Juncker trying to stuff Nigel Farage back into Aladdin’s magic lamp. Or was he trying to stick the lamp…….
On matters financial the USA-China trade talks have recently won the ‘Best Imitation of Watching Paint Dry’ award.
‘My tariffs are the greatest’, proclaims our Donald whilst the inscrutable Mr. Xi smiles wryly and carries on stirring his wok.
This formidable double act has reintroduced the concept of bad news is good news. Jay P., the Fed Rapper, has been spooked into rearranging his dot plots. He and his chums decided to join them up and when they did, they saw a picture of Alan Greenspan.
They hurriedly rubbed out a few of the dots and claimed all is well in this the best of all possible worlds and decreed that rates should stay on hold until after the next panto season.
So, we can all live happily ever after.
In Hong Kong the headlines are being dominated by crashes on the MTR, the ever-rising cost of Atlantis and the glorious fact that HK is the 76th happiest place in the world.
Hard to believe we are so high.
My favourite story this week is the 71-year-old woman who phoned her housing estate management company 843 times in two days to complain. She was charged with making ‘persistent telephone calls’.
Now I never knew that this was an offence. Stupid perhaps. Annoying for sure. She even shouted into the phone, allegedly. I used to do that all the time when I had a contract with Vodafone but of course I never had a signal in Hampshire, so it was hardly an offence as nobody heard me.
The unnamed woman was fined HK$1,000. But the frustrating thing about this story is we don’t have a great deal of information on the reasons behind her complaints.
She did apparently complain about the bad attitude of some of the staff but it’s hard to imagine calling up 843 times to complain that Ah-Wong hadn’t wished her a good morning as she sprinted off to the wet market.
I have a sneaking suspicion that Jezza Corbyn is doing the same to Number Ten, but they haven’t nicked him yet…just in case he turns up with the removal van in a couple of weeks time.
Which seems a fitting point to end on and I give the last word to S&G:
“Theresa, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Theresa, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to go home…”